I don’t know why I’m writing this. I’d like to think it’s going to help me. I’d especially like to think it’s going to help others. I’m not certain of either of those but right now it seems like something I should try.
My name is Allison. I’m 24 now but I’m turning 25 in a little over a month. I live in Chicago with my parents and I work in the city. I work in media, I like to drink, I don’t read enough, I’m attempting to be more physically active, I’m a sucker for theme parties, I have great friends, I am constantly on the hunt for new music, I have an amazing boyfriend, I eat a lot of taco bell, and on most days I’m pretty boring. Oh, and my dad is dying.
My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on 12/20. Merry Christmas to us! At first I was trying so hard to believe that we caught it early and that we’d have a wealth of treatment options available to us. I was wrong. It was stage 4, the prognosis for pancreatic cancer is grim, and my whole world fell apart. So in a very short amount of time I had to accept a lot of different things. My dad is dying, he won’t be at my wedding, he won’t meet his grandchildren, he might not even be here this summer. That’s a lot for any normal person to take in but here I am… I’m only 25 and I feel like I still need my dad for so many things.
So what’s the point of this? I don’t know. Maybe I’m just getting all my frustrations and emotions out. Maybe there’s this community of 20-something people who have lost their parents and I’m trying to be a part of it. Maybe I’m hoping someone down the line finds themselves in a similar situation and this helps them out. I honestly don’t know what this is going to accomplish. But it’s here and I’m here and we’re just going to take this one day at a time.