sometimes I forget

It’s weird because all of this only started a month or so ago.  My dad went to the hospital for a stomach ache and walked out with cancer so it’s easy to forget this is just how my life is now.

I forget mostly at work.  I’m so busy all the time that I go about my business not really thinking of anything.  Then when I’m about to go home I remember.

I forget when I’m out with my friends all the time.  For a moment I’m back to being some idiot 25 year old taking shots at the bar.  Then someone asks me how my dad is feeling and I remember again.

At first I got really mad at myself for forgetting.  Like how dare I ignore this moment of my life.  But now I think it’s ok to forget.  I know all of this is life changing and scary but I’m still allowed to live my life.  I need to otherwise I’d go crazy sitting in the house with him watching him fade away.  That’s not the life I want to live.

So yes, my dad is sick and I’m living with that but I don’t need to live my life around that…if that makes any sense at all.  I spend time with him every single day but I need to spend time with me too.  I don’t know maybe I’m attempting to give advice here.  If I am I kind of suck at it.  Basically, it’s ok to forget sometimes because in a way your just taking care of yourself in that moment.

Woof, did any of that make sense?  Probably not.  Hopefully I get better at this.

This is just a really good song you should listen to:

Allison

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sometimes I forget

One thought on “sometimes I forget

  1. You aren’t forgetting -you’re just not putting your life on hold for something you can’t control. Believe me; your dad wouldn’t want you to stay home and hover and worry 24/7. You’re right about at the point where we were after my dad’s diagnosis last year, and you’re not doing anything wrong. You need to keep your mind off of it and allow yourself to do “normal” things – in my last post, I talked about how we kept my little brother’s birthday party on schedule even though it was only a few days after my dad got his port put in and 3 days before he started chemo; you need to keep your routine as normal as possible so that when/if something changes, you won’t be caught off guard. It’s scary to think about the eventuality of things, but it’s also important to understand them without focusing on them. Please feel free to ask any sort of questions that you may have if you’d like. Stay strong!

    Liked by 1 person

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