It’s weird because all of this only started a month or so ago. My dad went to the hospital for a stomach ache and walked out with cancer so it’s easy to forget this is just how my life is now.
I forget mostly at work. I’m so busy all the time that I go about my business not really thinking of anything. Then when I’m about to go home I remember.
I forget when I’m out with my friends all the time. For a moment I’m back to being some idiot 25 year old taking shots at the bar. Then someone asks me how my dad is feeling and I remember again.
At first I got really mad at myself for forgetting. Like how dare I ignore this moment of my life. But now I think it’s ok to forget. I know all of this is life changing and scary but I’m still allowed to live my life. I need to otherwise I’d go crazy sitting in the house with him watching him fade away. That’s not the life I want to live.
So yes, my dad is sick and I’m living with that but I don’t need to live my life around that…if that makes any sense at all. I spend time with him every single day but I need to spend time with me too. I don’t know maybe I’m attempting to give advice here. If I am I kind of suck at it. Basically, it’s ok to forget sometimes because in a way your just taking care of yourself in that moment.
Woof, did any of that make sense? Probably not. Hopefully I get better at this.
This is just a really good song you should listen to: