This past weekend was the first wedding of the year. Last year Zack and I went to 6 weddings. This year we were invited to 8 but we can only go to 4. Still a lot of weddings to go to, a lot of gifts to give, a lot of dresses to be bought, and a lot of dancing to be done.
Zack was a groomsman in this wedding so I was invited to come to the rehearsal dinner. Luckily since it was the holiday weekend I got to leave work early so I could drive out to Cedar Rapids. It’s like a 4 hour drive so I made it there around 5:00 p.m. right as the rehearsal was starting. I quietly sat in the back and watched them organize the bridal party up front and practice their vows. The priest then asked everyone to gather in the back so they could practice the procession into the church. I watched each couple walk down the aisle and take their place at the front of the church. Then, everyone stood up and turned to face the back to watch the bride and her father walk down the aisle.
I bet you can see where this is going.
Yes, I started to tear up. I stared at the floor the whole time they walked down the aisle repeating in my head “Stop it. You’re in a church full of people you don’t know. They don’t know your story. Don’t be the weird girl crying in the back of the church. Pull. It. Together.” Watching them hurt. It hurt so bad. I realize now that I get to watch this happen 3 more times. 3 more walks down the aisle with their dads. 3 more father/daughter dances. On Saturday I basically ran out of the hall when they started the dance. I just couldn’t deal with it and Zack was up at the front doing his groomsman thing so it’s not even like I had someone to turn to. I just sat outside alone for 5 minutes hoping I had the timing of the song right before I went back in. I was embarrassed and I was mad at myself. I’m not really sure why exactly. Could have been that I was mad I didn’t think about this before the wedding. Could be that I’m starting to feel guilty every time I get upset. Like I should be moving on quicker or I’m worried that people will think I’m being dramatic. Or could be that I was mad I was being a crappy date crying outside of the reception. I don’t know.
Whatever it was I’m going to have to buck up a little bit. Life goes on, people are going to get married, and I’m going to have to be there.
At least I have 3 more weddings to practice at. I’ve got one this weekend so wish me luck. The goal is to actually watch the father/daughter dance this time. I might cry… but at least I’ll be able to say I could sit through it.