February has not been exceptionally kind to me so I’ve slacked on updating this. It’s not necessarily bad things that have happened it’s just a collection of things that have put me in a bad mood. I recently got a new job and that hasn’t been going the best. I’ve been incredibly stressed over that so it seems that any additional stresses brought on seemed to be magnified.
The one that seems to get magnified the most is my stress with this year’s PurpleStride. I’ve mentioned my involvement with this before but this year, I guess because I’ve really had the time and the energy for it, I’ve really stepped up my game in terms of being a team captain. However, it seems to add a lot of stress to my life. Naturally, it’s stress that I put on myself but knowing that hasn’t made the situation any easier.
Last year my team raised over $17,000 to help fight Pancreatic Cancer. This year I set the goal for our team to be $18,000 and started the team page in October. I knew that because it’s nearly a year later the outpouring of support would be much slower this time around. Everything isn’t so new and so alarming so people don’t have the sense of urgency like they did last year. However… I really wasn’t expecting it to be this slow.
Don’t get me wrong- I’m incredibly proud of what we’ve done so far. We’re currently the #1 fundraising team with nearly $7,000. We’ve had 4 incredibly successful fundraising events so far and have had a lot of people come to each one. I guess I’m just a little upset because there’s a pretty big group of people that I thought would step in and help that just haven’t. Sadly enough a lot of these people are family.
I just hate the feeling that none of it matters anymore. I know it’s a small group of people that are making me feel this way but it doesn’t bother me any less. This feeling makes me so anxious and nervous that I’m not doing enough that I don’t give myself enough credit for what I’ve already accomplished. That’s a really crappy thing to do to myself but here I am doing it every day. I just want to be successful… not only for myself but for my dad. I don’t want him to be forgotten. I know that it sounds crazy but I feel this every day when I see people ignore my pleas for help with the walk. Why was it unacceptable that Pancreatic Cancer took my dad last year but it’s ok that it’s still taking people this year?
Like I’ve said… I know that a lot of this is overblown stress. I know deep down I’m doing really well at raising money and that I have an amazing team of people supporting me. March will bring better vibes I’m sure.
If anyone is interested in donating to my team please click here.